Wilderness Drum > Wilderness Writings > Peacemaking

Wilderness Peacemaking
Steve Beyer

Introduction
The Peacemaking Perspective
Sacred Gifts
The Role of Stress
Controlling Your Own Stress
Preventing Loss of Control
The Ways We Communicate
Nonthreatening Approach
The Stress Trajectory
Appropriate Responses
Signs of Distress
Verbal Aggression
Physical Attack
Collapse and Reintegration
Conclusion
References

The Ways We Communicate

In addition to our verbal behavior, we communicate using both paraverbal and nonverbal forms of communication. Paraverbal communication is the portion of a speech communication other than the words themselves – that is, how something is said, as opposed to what is said. The same words can be loud, impatient, sarcastic, condescending, annoyed, or distracted; and they can also be patient, supportive, encouraging, or attentive. A wilderness leader must learn not only to say words such as “You seem to be having trouble getting your tent set up,” but also to say them in a way which does not escalate frustration and anxiety into verbal defensiveness.

Nonverbal communication includes a wide range of behavior – expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, movement, personal distance (see generally Fatt, 1999; Sielski, 1979). Thus, the peacemaker has to learn to respect the personal space of a stressed person; invading that personal space can be perceived as intimidating or threatening, and can precipitate or aggravate disruptive behavior. Remember that a stressed-out and potentially assaultive person may need four times the normal culturally accepted amount of interpersonal space, because of the person’s heightened perception and increased vigilance (Distasio, 1994).

Similarly, the peacemaker has to understand the importance of body language in stabilizing and defusing a stress reaction. Effective peacemaking can depend on early recognition of nonverbal signs of stress. Conversely, standing face-to-face with a person – especially if combined with an invasion of personal space – can be perceived as a threat or challenge, and can decrease the chances of defusing a potentially disruptive, assaultive, or out-of-control person.⁸

Here are a few things to bear in mind.

Be aware of your facial expression. Try to maintain a neutral expression that does not convey judgment, fear, anxiety, or disgust. Avoid smiling. A person on the verge of losing control may think you are laughing at him or her.
Keep your tone of voice calm and speak normally.
Use open-ended sentences that provide openings for verbalizing feelings – for example, “How are you feeling now?”
Avoid using okay at the end of your sentences, as in “We’re going to walk over there and talk about this, okay?” This implies choices where none may exist, and it could be confusing and ambiguous to a stressed-out person who is already having trouble processing what is going on.
Remove any gear that might be used as a weapon. It should hardly need mentioning that you should not be wearing a belt knife when approaching a stressed-out and potentially violent person.
Be aware of your posture. Avoid threatening or closed-communication positions, such as folding your arms over your chest. Keep your hands in plain sight at all times. Let your posture show your interest in what the person is saying.

It is important, too, to make sure that verbal and nonverbal communications are consistent with each other. A supportive verbalization can be subverted by a bored or distracted tone or manner; verbal assurances of understanding can be contradicted by a closed-off body posture. A peacemaker’s credibility will often be judged by the presence or absence of such consistency.

Notes

8 Both personal space and body language have determinants in culture, family, and personal history. Southern Europeans, for example, notoriously feel comfortable standing much closer to another person than do Americans; rural Americans tend to feel comfortable with much greater personal space than do urban Americans. Children who have been sexually abused may feel comfortable only at some distance from an adult, or may move much closer to an adult than the adult feels comfortable with. Gestures also vary widely from culture to culture. A circled thumb and forefinger indicates approval in France and North America, for example, but is an accusation of being a maricón in South America.

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